Sunday, May 13, 2007

Remembering My Best Friend, His Birthday's Today

I want to say something about my very, very best friend here, before I forget what today is.

But what do I, what can I say, to completely cover the whole, that you were to me, Avery? Words simply will not convey what I feel, then, or now, Avery.
For just only three sentences in, I have burning tears in my eyes, remembering you. Again.

Your life and your times ought to be celebrated on a national scale, Avery. For you were the epitome of the James Dean character, the local Stud which everyone needs to have in their personal life. You loved life, you loved your friends, you loved me like no other, like your own little brother, and still, with all that, you loved us all, until you were killed.

You were murdered, there is no doubt. When you needed a friend most, I was not there for you, as you were, always, always, always, for me, as a growing teenager.

How I miss you, Avery, to this day.... your birthday, 2007.

How could I tell you that I loved you, being my best friend, and straight, and all? How could I say, that I would have died for you, if I'd only known, if I'd only been there for you, like you were, always, always, always for me?

I will never forget all the things you taught me, like how to drive fast on a sharp, curving road, and so much more than junior high or high school EVER could've... the things, the places, the folds of a female's thighs, you showed to me, you taught me to love? How dare I even share these moments....

but to celebrate you? Avery, you are dead now, how do you want me to go on? Tell me, SIR, please.... Dammit, Avery, now I'm 11 years older than you; What do I do now??

I will never ever have, ever, another friend such as you; why are you dead? DAMMITT, MY LUCK

I shall always remember, I shall always act like, I shall always revere You, AVERY.

I stood at your grave, today, Avery, on your birthday, remembering you, and us, our 'buddie-ship', for longer than I stood at my mother's grave, and I felt such enormous loss, such damage, such bereavement there.... why are you gone, you goofy Shithead?

YOU were/are the COOLEST person I will ever know, and we were best friends, now you are gone. Only now, do I realize that you needed me, my help just before your end...

I am so so so sorry, Avery, that I didn't understand, that I didn't remember your, our unspoken linguistics, our code, that last, that final time we were ever together, in Norman;

For, for only $250.00, you might have lived on, if I'd have read you, like before. ..

I am so sorry, I'm so grieved, for not knowing, not reading, not understanding you, bro...

For if I'd only known the truth, the truth you needed, that you wanted, you needed me to realize, 12 years ago, 12 Billion tears ago, I'd have given you everything I had, my brother, my dearest friend.

Anyway, Happy 42nd Birthday, LAD.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

That is so deep, so intimate, so personal, I've nevr heard, or read anyting like this.
Avery lives on, in your mind, bro!

The Localmalcontent said...

Avery lives On in my heart, as well as my memories, friend. He was one awesome dude, believe me.

Kent1205@aol.com said...

Man, I kmow that you feel a loss, Avery's loss. But be gratefull that he touched your life, beyond what he may have been,
to you he was.

I had a true friend once who died, and nothing will ever heal that wound on my heart, so dont let it be anything else to yours.
A friend like that is to be cherished forever.

The Localmalcontent said...

Thanks Kent1205, for your kind words. My best friend does live in my heart still, but I feel such regret that I wasn't there for him like he was always for me, growing up. Like, I can;t listen to 80s Rock n Roll without thinking of some good time with him; it hurts alot. And now I have to go on without him, his advice and all...
Thank you, Kent.

steve@steveyuhas.com said...

Thanks for your comments tonight on the show, Ron; I am sorry to read here about your good friends death.
Take good care, be safe and keep in touch;
Steve