Monday, August 27, 2007

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World

Your Localmalcontent has been very depressed by news in the world, over the past 10 to 45 days.

Not only the news, but also the insanity thereof. And it is unsettling trying to decide whether all this bad and loopy news is worth commenting on, or laughing at, or running from.



POPPIES, POPPIES, POPPIES- Where in the world is Glynda, good witch of the North, and some Snow?

In Afghanistan, news comes of the bumper crop of Opium poppies this year, up 3% over last year. Afghanistan now produces 95% of all the world's heroin-producing poppies. And news sites seem to relish pointing out that it is mainly the Helmand Province of southern Afghanistan, dominated by those God-fearing, righteous Talibanis, where it is all grown.



If it were marijuana, or if it was Hemp being grown there, well, hell!! The entire world would endorse burning the whole country, for that blaspheme. But, shrug shrug, it's only heroin and opium.



How the heck can we have many Grease Fires in one place, but can't get even one in Afghanistan?



GREECE FIRES, and REPORTS OF OLYMPIC FLAMES, WIDESPREAD.



I do not mean to make light of the terrible conditions, of the wildfires in Greece this summer. But I could not resist that Headline.



PERU TO THANK THE WORLD, BY GIVING AWAY PISCO 7.9 SODAPOP



So what's wrong with that nice gesture, you ask? Sorta along the same line as "I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke, and Keep It Company..."

Here's what er, uh wrong with that Brilliant idea: The Peruvian government wants to give Pisco 7.9, billed as Peru's "national drink", to the helping countries who came to the aid of its citizens who suffered a devastating earthquake about a week ago.

Trouble is that the 7.9 magnitude earthquake was centered in a small town called "Pisco".

OOPS!!



FROM THE EL PASO, TEXAS TIMES: SURPRISE! TERRORISTS LOOK AT ENTERING THE UNITED STATES THROUGH POROUS SOUTHWEST BORDER

The nation's top intelligence official is concerned that terrorist groups such as al-Qaeda, in the midst of regrouping and marshaling new recruits, are paying more attention to the Southwest border as they look for ways to enter the United States -- where their goal is to cause "mass casualties."



Well, Duh! If it has taken 'the nation's top intelligence official' this damn long to realize this, PLEASE CONTACT ME!! I THINK I CAN FIX THIS... Get me Tom Tancredo on the line....



BROKEN CHINA



The world's largest population, the world's most polluted country, killer pet food exports, poison toothpaste exports, painted toys-- now with more lead content!-- child labor, slave labor, dangerous deadly coal mines, and oh yes, a one-child-policy. The one child policy will someday make one child responsible for housing and feeding, and caring for momma, daddy, gramma, granddad 1 and granmma 2. They will have eaten grandpa 2 by some point, doncha know?



INVADE AND CONQUER CUBA RIGHT NOW!



Note to el Presidente, Jorge Busha: As long as you are keen on invading and kicking ass in 3rd world countries.... Hello! -HINT-HINT~! This would also serve to shut the Venezuelan jackass, Bubba Chavez. We ought to make a very clear impression on that buttwipe with that, and naturally, keep Fidel alive, give him the very finest American medical attention, then give him the very finest American Judicial attention.



I swear, it's not all Bad-- Have you ever Heard of a drink called "Grapette"?



I left Wal Mart today, a week's groceries in tow, but was dying for a cold drink. Their Sam's Sodapop machines are only 25 cents. But the only thing which was not sold out, was this stuff called "Grapette". So I bought one, got back into my truck, and began the drive home. I opened this can about 2 blocks away from the Wal Mart, and had my first sip of this GOOD GOOD GOOD STUFF! WOW AND DAYUMN!! I took a second drink, and I swear it was better than the first sip.

I put on the brakes.
I pulled over onto the shoulder.
I turned around, and went back to Wal Mart, back inside and bought myself 3 2-litre bottles!!



Now, some 6 hours later, I have finished off one of those bottles. AHHHHH!



I looked up "Grapette" soda on the Web tonight, and really got an interesting education about this unique soda's history. "THIRSTY OR NOT!" INDEED SO!

And usually, your Localmalcontent does not, will not endorse a product, without proper compensation. I value my opinion, OK? But I will endorse this good, light sodapop, Grapette.

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