OR, "Why I* thought dating 14 men in 14 days would end my seven years of celibacy"
Honest to G*D, this was the BBC headline tonight as I* got home from work!
NO ONE could make this stuff up, outta whole cloth fiction: Therefore, gentlemen* (mostly) and ladies*, I* present from from The London Daily Mail:
"SONIA'S STORY" [BEGIN PLAYING THE "LOVE STORY" THEMESONG, HERE]
This blockbuster, stop-the-presses story goes like this:
["7 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days- that's how long I've been celibate. Could dating 14 men in 14 days change all that?"] Depends on who, & the ages, and the health of these 14 men....
[What She says:] "Every year, around the time of my birthday, I take a sharp look at my life and set about making improvements. I love this annual psychological clean-up and call it My Birthday Treat.
[What She meant, in GirlSpeak:] "Every year, 'round my birthday, I think of taking a sharp knife to my husband. I love this animal, instinctual clean-up, and I call it My Birthday Treat, stapling 'Mr. Limpitt' up on the wall."
[When She says:] "This year, having separated from Stephen, my daughter's father, in May 2000, I* am determined to do something* about my single status. At 43, I* have not had a physical relationship for seven years. Celibacy just happened."
[What She meant, in GirlSpeak:] "I'm as *mad* as hell, and *I'm not going to take it any more!!"
[...]
[...] Yawning now.
[...]
After 14 different dates with 14 different *men, in 14 consecutive days, with some she* knew and some she* didn't, she* packed up and left each one of these guys*, after only one date! (Limp-wristed, John Inman-type English blokes all, no doubt)
.... Long* story short, I thought I'd get to read something steamy* and juicy* from the *BBC. Nope.
This *gal went 0-for-14, ((after 7-1/4 years without)) and THEN decides that celibacy was the thing for her, afterall.
Would you** recommend that she* come visit some Georgia boys*, or New York guys*, or some Alaskan** men?
["Oh, swwweet mystery of life,... at last, I've* found youu*--",
as sung two-octaves too high, by *Madeline Khan*, in "Young Frankenstein**"]
Or have herself admitted into the *British version of the Booby* hatch, or the Looney* bin, or the Funny* farm?"
Instead of the BBC, why not submit her story to the Catholic* Digest* Weekly*?
[yawning again now]
* insert word "Horny"
3 comments:
This is the funniest post on a blog I've ever read. **me.
Glad you have the humor to take the humdrum and make it hilarious.
From the middle of Georgia, USA, props to you.
Great analysis, 'local..;
Wish I had thought about it when we were married only 14 years
No time like the present I'd guess that U might say!
Haha, great post. Thanks for the quitting smoking tip by the way. I appreciate the encouragement.
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