Friday, September 14, 2007

This Weeks Episode of "Those Wacky Democrats"

Well, let's check in with our Democratic presidential candidates, and see what shenanigans they're up to, this week.

You'll remember, that lately every candidate is crowing about some kind of nationalized, "free" health care scheme. From the cradle to the grave, these fine compassionate souls want to tenderly take care of you and me, and of all of us. If you have a toothache or the pain of psoriasis, a broken back, or maybe you're just a mental case, why the Democrats want to know! And they want to help you!

"Just sign right here, here, here, and here, and initial here and here, and date it for today, then we'll soon be in touch, explaining it all to you, telling you where to go, who to see, and when."


"What?!! You've been eating saturated fats in your diet, or you smoke, or enjoy that Coca-cola mixed with a bit- just a bit- of Jack Daniels Black Label? Didn't you read our edict about those dangers...

I am sure that you did. Everyone did. We are Borg. We are in charge. Resistance is futile."

"Those discretions will set your appointment time back a month at least, Mr. Localmalcontent, sir. How does July, 2010 sound to you? Can you make it in then?"

Yes, the same people who brought us the War against Poverty in the 60s, want to provide for you today~!

And we all know how successful the War Against Poverty has been....
Or maybe you fondly recall Social Security? A Ponzi scheme if ever there wuz one. With an average return upon your monthly [required] "investment" into Social Security of a whopping 1.8%, things will be just fine.

Just please trust us, and don't embarrass yourself by looking up, and checking the facts! Facts can be such unpleasant things, don't you think? Just trust us. We are Democrats!

And Never- But NEVER ever ask who is going to pay for our Social utopia which we plan for you; Because we will just soak the rich!! They have it so good, what with their high paying jobs, their fancy cars, yachts, and all. We will make them all rue the day that they ever dared being ambitious! And careful! And educated! Who do they think they are.... showing off like they do? "Ambition" is a very dangerous thing, Mr. Localmalcontent; For what if you fail?! Oh, my, failure! Sadness! Dashed hopes!

"Mr. Localmalcontent, isn't it better to play it safe, and NOT plan ahead? 'Planning ahead is a headache', I always say... and you can take it from me, because I can dish it out, and I'm full of it, friend."

"What the framers of our constitution, our "fore fathers" MEANT to say, was that capitalism is indeed great, yes that's true... But--"

"Instead, we Democrats believe they meant "State Capitalism", like the subjects enjoy who live in Cuba, or in Venezuela."

"Like so many old, old, antique documents, the Constitution of the United States has become obsolete! But with modern, progressive changes, it will be as good as new!

Till we change it again."

Tune back in again, next week, when we will hear those lovable, predictable Democrats say:
"Tax Incentives will keep them healthy, all that jumping through hoops! Let's dangle some tax incentives!" and also, "Military?!? Who needs a military?"

*With apologies to 'The Little Rascals' fans everywhere, for ripping them.
Blame it on the excellent ragtime piano music tonight!! Found exclusively at:


HAWAIIAN2 said...

Haha, that is as funny as hell!
Directed to your blog from another website, I read this and had to bust a gut.
I am in Iraq, serving my country, and love to read this kind of stuff, read college football blogs/forums.
Bring it on, Local.! great stuff.

The Localmalcontent said...

Hey, thank you! Hawaiian2!! My gosh, please instead, let me thank you, sir, for protecting me, and our American way of life, our Freedoms, over there in war, in Iraq!.

Sir, come here as often as you like; you will always have a home here, a friend in me here, and the biggest welcome imaginable to you, yours, here in my Oklahoma!

Thank you again, for your service to America, sir! Aloha, and hurry home. We miss Ya!