Friday, December 7, 2007

Hillary's Own Celebrity Endorsement

[overheard recently, at Hillary for Prez. H.Q.]


"I'm not kidding! If you think I'm kidding about this, just try me! I've not knocked the snot out of anyone in over a week!! Now find some moron Hollywood celebrity who will go to Iowa and New Hampshire, and endorse Me! Do It Now! Where is Bill? BILL!!!!!"


Just moments after the Queen left the room, two staffers spoke: "Whew! who can we get? I thought we could get by with Barbra Streisand, but who the hell expected that she'd have aged so badly, in just 6 years?! So Streisand is out- and Sean Penn and Danny Glover are both too obviously socialist-- besides they are both in Venezuela, consoling Hugo-- who can we even pay enough money to, to endorse Hillary Clinton?"
"I don't have a clue... it's too bad that Oprah Winfrey went to the Obama side; she could have swung the entire nation to us."

"Yeah, she is a powerful force to reckon with. Wonder how much Obama had to pay her for her endorsement?"

"Look, sometimes, you don't have to pay for an endorsement. Sometimes, the celebrity really likes the person who's running for President."

"Wow, I never knew that; what a concept!"

"Anyway, man, we have to get some celebrity to come and endorse Hillary, in Iowa and in New Hampshire. And like she said, NOW! I don't want that woman angry at me, so we'd better come up with someone ASAP.

"How about Shirley MacLaine? She's a classy, older gal, good dancer, and photogenic, cute, too?"

"She's out- she's Dennis Kucinich's kid's godmother, remember?"

"Well, how about Angie Dickinson?"

"My God, is she even still alive?"

"Well, this isn't easy! Give me a break, alright?"

"How about a male celebrity? What guy can we get to suck up to Hillary?"

"You have got to be joking... a guy endorsing that woman? No, no, no. It has to be a female celebrity. Definitely."

"Let's start this from a different perspective. Let's think about what characteristics a Hillary celebrity has to have."

"OK, good idea. She would need to be seen as vulnerable, to draw in the compassionate crowd. And she'd need to be, maybe jilted in love once or twice, to remind the voters that Bill had that affair, but Hillary stayed by her man, too. And she would need to be popular in her own right, her own way-- someone who can draw a big crowd, even if Hillary didn't force them to come out to the rallies."

"Good ideas! How about age? Hillary is on the record saying that the elderly women are the ones who will put her in the Oval Office, sooo, 60ish? 50ish?" "I like 50ish and higher."

"And as for her race-- a touchy area-- do we need a white woman, a black lady, an Asian lady, what?"

"I'm thinking indeterminate race, to be on the safe side. Her beliefs will be the highlighted issue for us. So, we need an anti war, anti wealth, anti American. A real child of the 60s... someone who can show America that Hillary stands for all the things that they can never become."

"I've got it! Oh, man, and she's funny, too! She is in touch with the Earth, she's what we need! Why, she could draw a crowd in a cave! She'll be great! Call Hillary up, and tell her we have a celebrity just right for her!"

3 comments:

Abouna said...

Ruth Buzzie is the perfect celebrity to endorse the Hildabeast. I love it.

Red S Tater said...

I can just see Artie Johnson hiding behind that plant smoking a cigarette in that German helmet... "Sock it to me" Hillary.

Laugh-in was a great show.

The Localmalcontent said...

Only get to watch 'Laugh-In' on TVLand, and then it's not that often. This gal cracked me up when she'd be on the show though.