Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Barack Obama Rules of Politics

Do Not talk about my ears. I'm sensitive about my ears ( their hugeness).

Do Not talk about my middle name, Hussein.. It's irrelevant (every bit as unmentionable, as were the middle names Fitzgerald, Baines, Milhouse, Wilson, Jefferson, Walker, Herbert Walker, Delano and S.).

Do Not talk about my race. Instead feel the continuing guilt pouring down upon you, for the sins of your ancestors. And oh, Happy St. Patrick's Day-- I am part Irish, as you will remember my emphasizing to you--

Do Not Complain that I can, and am able to talk about racism, while you are being prohibited from doing so.

Do Not bring up my own multi-racial ancestry. Or my early, life-shaping Muslim instruction ( no leader's early life-shaping instruction is important). Only I can make either of those aspects, issues in this candidacy.

Do NOT EVER bring up my spiritual mentor of the past 20 years, Rev. Jeremiah Wright ( Instead, believe that I never once heard him utter all those words damning our America). But I cannot
disassociate myself from him, he's like family. But I denounce every word that I never heard him say, in those 20 years.

Do Not talk about my wife's own words, concerning her feelings of shame in our country, in any speech on my behalf (unless she is speaking about Hope and Change).

Do Not ever bring up my light-weight legislative experience, neither my six years in the Illinois Senate, nor my five years as that state's junior part-time U.S. Senator.

Do Not investigate my Chicago-brand election to either post, either. I can and do represent the dead constituents.

Do Not Ever bring up Tony Rezko, my best fund-raiser, friend, and current defendant in a money-laundering scheme trial, in which I may or may not be involved in an influence-peddling manner. While I did understate his assistance to me by $200,000.00, and he did sell me my home for far less than market value, he is out of bounds.

Do Not Ever bring up my total lack of military experience. Likewise, do not boast about my opponent's experience in the U.S. Navy, or his time as a P.O.W. ~~that would not be fair~~.

Refer always to my speech on Race, and racial differences in America, as the final word on the subject. Remember Hope and remember Change and remember that America as a whole, is shamed by the long extinct acceptance of slavery, by Southern Democrats.

Ignore that my candidacy for President is based entirely upon empty words, and the probability that when I am President, that I will travel the world apologizing for the past errors America has committed in Cuba, in Afghanistan, in Japan, in Iceland, in South Africa, in Iraq, in Iran, in Venezuela, in Canada, in Mexico.

Ignore that I, Barack Obama, am listed as the most liberal, most Communistic-rated Senator in that body, in the past 70 years.

IF you do not follow these rules that I have outlined, you are a racist--
just another American, Islamophobic, Jew-loving Hater.

VOTE for me unquestionably, or you will be targeted as a racist. My Mullah told me so.


Abouna said...

Al'Barak is Great:
There is no god but Al'Barak!

Respect is Authority!

The Localmalcontent said...

Envision Whirled Peas.

Col. B. Bunny said...

Very well done. I love the part about Barack's traveling the world to apologize.

The Localmalcontent said...

Thank you Colonel; Your words here mean a lot to me. I've been to your website before, as well, enjoying your thoughts therein.

Deputy Daffy Duck. (w/ apologies)