Monday, March 31, 2008

Breaking News from the World of Sports!

FORGET BASEBALL!!

According to Sports Illistated.Com,

Golf great Tiger Woods is RETIRING from the Professional Golfers Association (PGA), effectively today!

Augusta, Ga. - " [...] Woods made his startling announcement today, at a press conference originally, initially held to promote the upcoming Masters Golf Tournament, held here April 7-13.

The world of golf was rocked to its core when 3-time Masters Winner Tiger Woods today announced his retirement from competitive golf, "effective immediately."


"I'm just tired of this. I've got a new, hot wife and a baby girl to provide for, all of a sudden. And maybe more babies someday. Golf can't guarantee a lifetime income, can't guarantee college educations for several children, considering the competition today. There are some pretty good golfers coming into the Pro game very soon, and I just do not think I can compete with them, strictly in the game.


That's why I have been going to Real Estate Broker School this past winter. After my successful graduation, a full 13 strokes, er, uah points higher than all my competition, I have been accepted as the "CENTURY 21 REALTOR for the entire country of Belize," Woods told bewildered sportscasters. "I've gladly traded in the Green Jacket, for the Yellow One!"

Stunned reporters and golf professionals both fainted and became wet with Woods' surprise retirement announcement. Bar and restaurant managers within the Augusta National Golf Club were seen scrambling soon thereafter, calling wholesalers, demanding more single-blend Scotch whiskey stock, in lieu of Woods' surprise.

"I'd like to take this opportunity, to show to each of you and the television audience, this gorgeous 5-bedroom, 3 bath home, highlighted with formal dining, and a separate library; kitchen with all the amenities of a gourmet chef; all situated on 12.45 Ac., very close to shopping and great Belize City schools. This Executive Home has not one, but TWO indoor jacuzzi saunas, and a 40x60 ft. shop, behind the two-car detatched garage!! The asking price is only $1.4 million, and the present owner is wanting to move TODAY!

Call Me, Broker Tiger Woods, at 1-800- GITR -NOW!!"

Angered and enraged Masters Tourney organizers referred all questions to the Professional Golfers Association legal staff.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, it IS the first of the month isn't it. *grin*


Ye ol' retired Sailor, who remembers having to go and find a bottle or 2 of *Prop Wash* back in the day.

Abouna said...

April Fools!

Prudie said...

Pbbbbt. You had me going until I remembered the date. Good one.

Jungle Mom said...

oh! I fell for it.

The Localmalcontent said...

maybe a little early for April Fools.. the 31st.

Better than my two previous offerings at Apr. Fls., eh, Rita??