Thursday, May 22, 2008

I Love Seeing You Smile

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line and asks, "Okay, now what?"
****
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man seated next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"
The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
****
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 30° C.
The Soviets used a pencil.
****
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That’s not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That’s it."
****
*Here's two cute jokes, 5-year olds will love--

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

*AND
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Poop!

Have A Great Day!

7 comments:

DON SMITH said...

Are you ok?

I mean like seriously, are you ok?

Don

brotherjohns said...

Well then you'll just love knowing that I'm smiling! Thank you very much for giving me my morning smile, and for bringing a bit of humor to my day. If you don't mind, I'll share a few of these with my wife Kathy and put a smile on her face. (I'll give you the credit). Thanks again, and have a GREAT day!

Brother John
Lansdowne, Pennsylvania USA

The Localmalcontent said...

Tee Gee Eye Eff! Another long week.

Yeah, Don, I'm just fine, thanks.
How are you?

Grins, bro.john!~

Abouna said...

Hey, did you hear about the dumb blond that jumped headfirst out of a tenth floor window?

She wanted to see how the "wings" on her panty shields worked.

zeelah said...

Hi.. i like the jokes.. its funny.. :) Have a great day..

The Localmalcontent said...

But was she a midget, Abouna?

And Zeelah, Hello! You must have the nicest, happiest, most modest smile in the world, and you pay a visit, today!

theotherryan said...

We put a video of that first joke on our blog. It is awesome. "Ok now what?" LMAO.