Thursday, October 23, 2008


(Question to Leti: This is not gonna happen in our marriage. Is It?)
lovingly, laughingly lifted from
Bits and Pieces.

She spent the first day sadly packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down on the floor in the dining room by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp and caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She replaced the end caps on the curtain rods, cleaned up the kitchen, and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything,cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her they were selling the house but did not tell the real reasons.

She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Thinking his ex-wife had no idea about the smell, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork for her to sign.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home…
. including the curtain rods.


Don Smith said...

Very nice and I enjoyed it. There is one school of thought that says "revenge is much sweeter, if it is eaten off a cold plate." Whatever works right.

When I left my last employer, I dutifully went down to the locker room and removed all the personal items from my locker.

After the locker was empty, I put in the bottom of it, a full jug of milk, and removed the top.

I then took a brand new Masterlock Combination lock and inserted it in the hole of the handle of the locker, closed the door and walked off.

Every now and then, I will run into one of my old working buddies and he will say .... "Gawd Smith, what was it you put in that locker?"

Later Chief.

Hatless in Hattiesburg said...

More along the lines of high-school prank than cold revenge, some friends put old frozen shrimp under the hubcaps of another friend's car. I think they got rid of it before the stench really soaked in.

The Localmalcontent said...

Thank you both, Don S(our)M(ilk)ITH, and Prankness in Prankiesburg for your confessions.


The Localmalcontent said...

I'd admit mine===

If I had any=