Monday, February 23, 2009

Something for Nothing. Nothin' fer Sumpthin'

Some 12 or 13 years ago, while toiling for the Bureau of Indian Affairs in Albuquerque, New Mexico, I saw the advert by Matthew Lesko for his big book of U.S. government "Free Money to Pay Your Bills".

Then after being subjected to that and similar TV ads repeatedly, I gave in and called the toll free number, and bought his book.

(I spoke to a guy on the phone that night, whom I'll never forget- he seemed lazy, uninterested, 'only doing a phone bank job, and ended up selling me Lesko's book for half-price, or roughly $21.00)
When Lesko's book arrived, it was the size of what I imagine a London phonebook to be.

It was huge- over 1,000 pages. I eagerly began to search for the many, many government programs for which I would qualify, and salivating thinking about depositing that huge government check into my savings account.

I don't know where that useless book of mine is today. I loaned it out to a few friends, then had to threaten them with bodily harm to get it back each time. To me it was $21.
But that was about all it was worth.

The fact is, government grants are as rare as hen's teeth. Yet, they do exist in theory, for anyone from individuals to community groups, and for purposes ranging from correcting one's credit history to starting private schools to community organizing. Right, Barack?!
Now COULD be an excellent time to apply for such a government grant, in my honest, slanted and skewed opinion.
Given the eagerness of the government to appease literally everyone, everywhere.
Git yaself a piece of the Trillion Dollar windfall~!

Only, do it the right way: Don't contribute to Matthew Lesko's bank account, because all the information is free, already paid for by us taxpayers, printed and mailed courtesy of us tax payers, and again, in theory for the benefit of us taxpayers.
Rather than pay anywhere from $5 to $99.99 for the information, get it for free from the same government.

The drawbacks to doing it this way are that it will take more time to receive, it will be written in Governmentaleze Gobbledegook, and every grant application is ALWAYS TURNED DOWN, the first time... to weed out the slackers.

But if you keep going, being persistent, and if your Congressional representative or one of your state Senators knows you, success will be given to you.
The source for all the FREE information on Gov. Grants a person/group/corporation needs, can be found here:

The L. Malcontents of Oklahoma will go fishing again for a huge government grant this year.
But we will cut out the middlemen like Lesko. Sorry.
The time is ripe for a handful of reasons, not the least of which is the reelection of our OK. 2nd. Dist. Congressweasel to his government teat.
Er, uh 'seat'.
But we have other, far more altruistic reasons as well, that may score us a Huge Grant.
Speaking of whom, I am sorry that he was not nominated for an Oscar again this year.


Mike said...

I've seen that advert too, but read an article that said pretty much what you've stated; namely, that the information is out there freely available to anyone.

A quick look through the site shows the typical govt. maze of agencies one would have to wade through in order to find a particular grant or aid opportunity.

Have you seen those "Make Money in Real Estate Foreclosures" ads? I was paying my property taxes just a month ago and saw pinned to the cork board in the lobby a list of houses up for auction...where anyone can see it and anyone can bid. I worked for a guy who bought his house and the vacant lots all around him for less than a thousand dollars.

There's not a lot I want my govt. to do for me other than deliver my mail and protect me (military and police) and I'm fairly certain the private sector could handle our mail much better than the govt. so MY govt. would be a very small one.

I'm not totally against using some of my tax dollars to help those in need; I'm all for helping the disadvantaged amongst us, as well as those who cannot -for reasons not of their own making - care for themselves, but I'm sick and tired of our welfare state.

I hate loaning out books because of the exact same reasons. I bartered for a copy of "The Anarchists Cookbook" and loaned it out and almost didn't get it back. (I got it solely because of intellectual curiosity, not that I wanted to build a bomb or cook up some drugs)

Good post.

The Localmalcontent said...

By the way, it was written with sarcasm dripping from my bloodthirsty, Conservative fingers, waiting for the baby in the oven to get done, and
with my tongue squarly in cheek.

Mike said...

Yeah, I gathered that. -grin-

While reading it I kept humming that Dire Staits tune "Get yer money for nothin' and yer chicks for free."

BTW, checked out an alert on the bottom of my Firefox browser, never really noticed it before, a security warning about Blogger, nothing serious, but it said I've visited this site 480 times.

I was coming in here a LONG time before I ever posted. My visits have gone down since I can now follow your blog in my reader.

Mike said...

I WOULD like to have a jacket like Lesko's, though.

Two of 'em, as the old joke goes.

Most Rev. Gregori said...

Do you suppose that I can get a gov'ment grant so that I can write and produce books on how to assemble cardboard box living quarters for folks who has lost their jobs and had their homes foreclosed on?