Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I Vant To Suck Your Blood

Imagine for a moment that you are a tick.

Your life's goal is to insert your head and mouth into some human's skin, and drink blood to your fill.
Not only do you jump onto someone's clothing or shoes, then slowly crawl your way to skin, but you choose the strangest, most difficult places to picnic on your host.

Why don't ticks go for the first skin they come into contact with, like one's ankles?
Why crawl around before dining? Why go there!??

Next, when do ticks uh, multiply? And how? Certainly before their last meals on their annoyed hosts.
Do the females lay eggs? Are the eggs then fertilized, or is there some sticky, prickly tick romance involved?
Are gay ticks called 'tocks'?
If so, then the phrase should go something like
Tick tick, tick tick, tock tock, tock tock ...
Never mind.

Ticks which embed themselves into the skin of animals turn grey and become really fat.
Ticks which attach themselves to humans are smaller and brown. How do they know which host to attack?
Racists ticks~! So similar to Democrats.

Last night Leti pulled a tick off the back of my neck, hidden under my hair.
I've not been walking anywhere in the tall grass in over a week--

3 comments:

ABNPOPPA said...

Mal,

Did you stay up all night writing this post? Tick Tock OMG!

Do you know why Ticks don't attack democrats?

Professional courtesy, they are both "blood suckers"

Pops

Most Rev. Gregori said...

If you had more then two ticks, you would then have an infestation of poly-ticks, and since they would all be sucking your blood, that would make them a bunch of liberal blood sucking poly-ticks.

The Local Malcontent said...

Great jokes, men~! very funny.