Thursday, November 1, 2012

TOP 10 Rejected Ideas For Obama 2nd Term Cabinet

The Obama administration this week floated the idea of initiating a new Cabinet level Department of Business, ostensibly to consolidate redundant efforts already covered by up to nine other departments.
On Monday, Mitt Romney responded to the president, charging him with expanding the government. "I don't think adding a new chair to his cabinet will help add millions of jobs on Main Street," he said on the campaign trail.  Correctly so.

What is not being reported openly, is that Obama strategist David Axelrod also suggested other Cabinet positions, staffed by hundreds of SEIU donors members each.  

Below, the Top 10 Rejected Government Departments:

#10-  The Department of Prime Numbers 
The major responsibility of this Government entity would have been to confirm conclusively if an alleged number was indeed a number divisible only by 1 and itself, and to discover other, higher primes.
The plan was widely hailed inside Democratic circles, since it would never have an end to it's life.

#9-  The Department of Meat
To be separated from the current, overworked Dept. of Agriculture.  Too many chronic complainers whined that the prefix "Agri-" means vegetables.  Only.  Estimated to employ over 10,000 whose responsibility would be to inspect the meat supply however, Lobbyists for the pornography industry stress that they also offer that substance and citing privacy concerns, said "We don't mind you watching, just no touching."

#8-  The Department of College Finance
Rejected because no one, not even big government Liberals can remain sane if dealing only with teenagers.

#7-  The Department of Racism
It was pointed out that The War Department was removed already, 70 years ago.  Too confusing.

#6- The Department of Level Playing Fields
Alternately referred to as the Department of Redistribution inside Obama's re-election managers,
this idea was nixed by the Perpetual Victims Association, headed by Jeremiah Wright and Al Sharpton.

#5-  The Department of Sports Fairness
When plans for this Federal agency were reviewed, and it was noted that for example, the New York Yankees could fairly, only win one World Series every 30 years, while the Chicago Cubs could finally, win only one World Series every 30 years, the idea collapsed.  Can anyone imagine Super Bowl Champion Jacksonville Jaguars, really?

#4-  The Department of Crime Prevention
At first, seen as a sure fire winner, this agency was then rejected in favor of a more encompassing.....

#3-  The Department of Unforeseen Events
This stupendous brainstorm would cover not only crime in the inner city, the rural countryside, but also
overseas Diplomatic Embassies where ambassadors and security guards are too frequently killed.
Also know by the initials the CYA Department.  This agency though would owe huge, yearly copyright fees to Director Lawrence Woolsey for it's name.

#2-  The Department of Blame
Barack Obama himself rejected this agency idea out of hand, saying, "Umma, this is my ahh, most important job, higher than protecting the borders, fighting for democracy and jobs or ummm, umm lowering the seas levels.  I'm good at blame, and uhh, I'm not going to give it up.

#1-  The Department of Presidential Vacation Planning

That last one is OUR responsibility, friends-- let's send Mr and Mrs. Obama off on vacation to Hawai'i next Tuesday, November 6.  The benefits of performing this agency's function are tremendous and long lasting.


Leticia said...

#1 works for me. I will even offer to help them pack.

The Local Malcontent said...

Right?! I'm thinking a lovely parting gift for the couple, something like a shrunken head....