Saturday, August 16, 2014

Totally Off The Top My Head~

I've never just written something without planning it out, backing it up and all. Until today.

Why today? Because August 16th is normally a BADDDD DAY for me, personally.

Or so it's been for the past ... 28 years of my 45.  ((Saturday, August 16, 1986, too))

No, we won't go into that, (8/16/1986). So, time for a new reason to remember 8/16.

Instead, off the top of my head.

.... it's been a good summer, financially, but certainly not any other way for us, Mr/Mrs. Malcontents.

As if money was the only thing, on our minds; I can provide for our existence, by myself, but Leti wants to work, and she's so very very good at what she does for her bank/s.

What is most on my mind, is that I cannot give her a child. This topic is like 89% of my thinking these days.

Why I am sterile; why

That was one major reason for traveling to Nova Scotia, last month; to see specialists in fertilization at Halifax' University of Dalhousie. They "probed" my sensitive areas in search of sperm, and came back with just over zero. Just over.

It just only takes one though, right? One little swimmer? That's what they found in me-- one little swimmer in all Lake Michigan. None in or near lake Sardis.

I know what/who to blame, but is that proper? Who's to say that if my condition was in my child's, I wouldn't do the same thing that my folks did?

Dillon is gone. That's the other 11.% of my thoughts. I could cuss out God Himself right now, for what happened to Leti and me in April~ I cannot get over his leaving,,, I can't.

Thought that my thoughts could, might've gone another direction, they didn't.