Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Nancy Pelosi's Memoirs

** Up front:  I got a whopping 3 hrs. sleep last night, thanks to Kelsey's teething agony.  So here is something I threw up a month ago, saved for just such a rainy day here~  **

Nancy Pelosi's Memoir  

"My life began for me when I was very, very young, in 1940. My mama used to refer to me as her 32ndbirthday present, because I was born the day after her 32nd birthday.
I remember that my parents were always throwing these lush parties, and I was allowed to stay up late on skool nights and pretend that I was important too, like all those adults.  Wow, talk about trash~
The next morning my sisters and I were expected to help mama gather all the pretty glass bottles for the garbage and sometimes there was a little bit left in the bottom of those bottles, just a sip, sometimes more than one I didn't always know, so you see I had to open the bottle and drink from it, in order to find out how much there was."

My daddy Tom D'ALesandro was the Mayor of Baltimore, Maryland, and he's still alive today~!  I'm gonna turn 77 years old in March, and my daddy is 88.  Yeah, that's correct, according to my assistant's Wikipedia research, my daddy was 11 years old when I was born, isn't that something??

What a 'go-getter' he was!  My daddy was over 20 years younger than mama, and he became the mayor of Baltimore when he was only 34.  He only served one four-year term as the More of Baltimayor, but that was enough to show me that getting really rich is easy if you are a go-getter and tell people big lies, and get elected to a government office.  This is what I've always tried to immolate.

What?  What do you mean 'I'm confusing my daddy with my older brother?" Are you saying that I'm senile or something?  Maybe I am confused, maybe I should tell somebody else my glorious life story instead of you, MISTER MIRROR.............."

In the 1960s, I moved to San Francisco, California for the free love and better drugs out here.  And there was such an uprising of the hedonistic culture, such a refinement of gluttony and casual sex, I found myself in a different persons' bed almost every night of the week.  This became an important source of information for me:  Knowing who to do and
who to just give lip service to, regarding my ambitions.

And in the late 1960s, we rode such a great wave of rampant hedonism out here, in my new home, San Francisco, we led the world in demonstrating.. Demonstrating what life could be like when you suspend that evil Catholic Dude from the decision that I make.  My father was the more of Baltimayor in those days, or was it like being a little ... I don't know, a little fly on his body, in reputation for me.  But then, there were those Fruit Flies, and all that problem, thank goodness for DDT back then.

I finally hookered up with a nice White Italian, by the way a man,  who had a really big wallet, heeeheheeehe, Paul Pelosi.  My husband Paul has always had a big member
-ship in the Italian-American mafia, and I thought that even that could help me overcome my daddy's legacy of merely being the 11-year-old mayor of Maryland.  And it has:  

I have four daughters and one son, Paul Junior, but he's not been whipped enough, whipped-up enough, I mean, to go out and do the bed-rocking work to become more famous than me.  But he still has time to bend over and deal with matters facing his country...  Like his father, who IS my husband, Paul Jr lives to make money, the old fashioned way...
Or he steals it, I don't exactly know~

Thats enough memoir for now, Mr Mirror. 

 It's time for my afternoon Botox shot and gala Democratic fundraiser at 4:00.  

I will come back to tell you more about myself after my overnight Botox shot at 11 pm, then.

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