Tuesday, June 13, 2017

United Methodists Hold
Fire/Brimstone Sale

      Lovingly lifted from The Babylon Bee, and a hat tip to the Hatless One from Hattiesburg
this not-so-incorrect comment on the present day
United Methodist Church in America:

U.S.—According to sources, every United Methodist congregation in America joined together to hold a nationwide “going out of orthodoxy” blowout sale on the churches’ lawns this past weekend.

The sale provided the churches with an opportunity to rid themselves of dusty, unused orthodox beliefs that had been lying around the buildings collecting dust for several decades.

“Everything must go! Bibles, hymnals, sound doctrine—make an offer!”, Reverend Brittany Greyson in San Francisco was heard yelling at a crowd of people picking through the vestiges of the church’s past. “Nothing is off limits!”

“Theology, Bibles, orthodox beliefs—if you don’t buy them, we’re tossing them at the end of the day! We’ll cut a deal if you buy multiples!”

According to shoppers, one man got a “killer deal,” purchasing the church’s belief in the inspiration of Scripture and a toaster for just $3.50, while other attendees of the sale picked up knick-knacks like the church’s reverence for God and commitment to traditional Christian values for mere pennies.

....Since moving from Yanush to Poteau early last year, we've not attended a Methodist worship service. The Church left me, left us, and left God; not the other way around.

I was the lay representative for my Talihina Methodist Church for 4 years, to the Oklahoma United Methodist Convention, held in OKC and Tulsa in alternating years-- and over those 4 years, I witnessed the diminishing returns in Methodist Church attendance, the rising number of Church closing here in Oklahoma, and a growing intolerance to a creeping, 'New-age', Liberal utopia being forced down upon all us town folk from the State Methodist governance.

And while all four conferences I attended as Talihina's Methodist Church layman were indeed Christian and inspirational, from the first one onward, I recognized a growing separation from the inspired Word of God, toward an Earth-mother, homosexual-lifestyle, -accepting environment from certain leaders within the state hierarchy.

Leticia, 14-mo. old Kelsey and I now attend a Poteau-area Baptist Church, and very happy being a part of a rock-ribbed, progressive church for bringing souls into the living, loving presence of Jesus Christ. 

NOT Utopian Climate change mongers.


Hatless in Hattiesburg said...

sad to hear the decay, glad you found somewhere better.

after my being far too lazy for too long, i found a good one too: http://haltomroadbaptist.org/

The Local Malcontent said...

However, I hasten to add--- I did stop today at the former Wister, Oklahoma Methodist Chruch, ironically located in Wister, Oklahoma -
to inquire from the present 'Family-Center Community Church' pastor if he had a phonograph record by my late great uncle Stuart, recorded around 1972 or 1973;

My mother had this record, left it to me, but it was lost in a fire in 2006.

The Methodist Church is only a shell of its former self now, Hatless; thank you for commenting again here~!, and also thanks for the link,
we will enjoy this alot, I'm sure!